A Blog Called Everything

Sure, there are plenty of ways drinking and/or sexing can be bad for you - any pleasure can be manipulated or abused for any number for reasons. But there’s nothing inherently wrong with either, and when you force women to choose safety over pleasure in ways men never have to (and when you shame them for choosing “wrong”), you teach women that their pleasure is not as important as men’s. And that’s a slippery slope we all need to stop sliding down.

In defense of going wild or: How I stopped worrying and learned to love pleasure (and how you can too) by Jacklyn Friedman from Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape

The fact is, many abuse victims don’t realize they’re being abused. They undergo trauma and just don’t understand why it hurts. I was never taught about enthusiastic consent. The phrase entered my vocabulary only a couple of years ago. It pains me to think of how different my life would have been if someone had taught me that I was supposed to want sexual contact and say so; otherwise, it was wrong. I truly thought that fearfully giving up after saying no twenty times counted as consent. If taught differently, I don’t know that I would have avoided the initial assaults, but I do believe with all my heart that I would have gotten myself out of that situation sooner. At the time, I knew that rape and physical assault were inexcusable acts of violence generally committed against women. I just didn’t realize that what was being done to me was rape. For that reason, it took me years to realize why I felt so traumatized.

Real Sex Education by Cara Kulwicki from Yes Means Yes!: Visions of Female Sexual Power and A World Without Rape

Sex education should focus not just on the mechanics of heterosexual sex and how to keep it safe – important as these are – but on varieties of sex. Sex between girls, sex between boys; the importance of enthusiastic consent – in effect, discussion of how to have good sex rather than just safe sex. The fact that girls as well as boys enjoy sexual activity is important to emphasise. I’ll never forget overhearing a conversation on a bus where a boy was asking a female friend of mine, both around 18, why girls masturbated. That alone demonstrates to me the need for better education.

Simone Webb (Underage sex isn’t automatically a problem | Comment is free | The Guardian)

(via sexisnottheenemy)

Despite the massive advances in women’s equality, young women’s sexuality is stuck in a surprising paradox. Young women are sold provocative clothes but aren’t taught where to find their own clitoris. Many girls give their boyfriends oral sex, but are too uncomfortable with their own bodies to allow the guys to return the favor. It’s still a radical act to say that women need and deserve access to information about their own sexual pleasure—not just about the risks and negative consequences of sex.

Dorian Solot, I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide

(via sexisnottheenemy)

rereadingharry:

The idea that there can’t be a gay character in a kid’s film… it’s ridiculous,

— Daniel Radcliffe.

Interview in “Attitude”, July 2009.

altraragazza:

I love this campaign! It does an awesome job of conveying everything that consent can be. Plus it mentions safewords. What’s not to love?

The most widely taught [abstinence-only] course is called “Sex Respect,” which has been purchased by approximately two thousand school districts nationwide. The text states that “There’s no way to have premarital sex without hurting someone,” and in an accompanying video a student asks, “What if I want to have sex before I get married?” The instructor replies, “Well, I guess you’ll just have to be prepared to die. And you’ll probably take with you your spouse and one or more of your children.” Abortion is referred to only as “killing the baby.” In the narratives presented in “Sex Respect,” premarital sex always leads to pregnancy or disease; there is no mention of contraceptives or abortion. Even in the best-case scenario, the curriculum says, premarital sex will cause severe emotional pain (“There’s no condom strong enough to protect my heart”). Other abstinence-only curricula exaggerate the failure rate of condoms and suggest that after sex when a condom is used, the genitals should be washed with Lysol.

Excerpted from “Slut!” by Leora Tanenbaum (2000). Reading this book has depressed the hell out of me. (via magneticwave)

Certain portions of my anatomy just clenched up in distress.

(via mysinmysoul)

It’s smart of them really—they’re raising a generation of people who don’t know jackshit about sexuality, or rights related to it, and just hoping to kill off all the non-nutso-abstinence-Christian folk.

(via 14kgoldnyc)

the genitals should be washed with Lysol

(via theriotmag)

In Their Own Words: What Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs Say: Use Fear and Shame to Motivate

Below are examples of what young people are taught in some of the most commonly used abstinence-only-until-marriage curricula. Prior to Fiscal Year 2010, the federal government had spent over one billion dollars on abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. All of the examples come from curricula that were used in programs previously supported by federal funds.

“The only safe sex is in a marriage relationship where a man and a woman are faithful to each other for life.”

Game Plan, Student Workbook p. 38

“Each time a sexually active person gives that most personal part of himself or herself away, that person can lose a sense of personal value and worth. It all comes down to self-respect.”

Choosing the Best PATH, Teacher’s Guide, p. 7

“The positive association between abstinence and higher academic performance is likely to be due to the fact that both behaviors are fostered by important underlying personality characteristics.”

Aspire, Teacher’s Guide, p. 80

“The consequences of pre-marital sex include “guilt, disappointment, worry, depression, sadness, loneliness, and loss of self-esteem.”

Choosing the Best JOURNEY, Leader Guide, p. 25

“[A sexually active teen] may turn inward, fail to develop healthy interests and relationships, fail to develop a personal, independent identity, experience feelings of betrayal that can lead to rage.”

Choosing the Best LIFE, Leader Guide, p. 8

In an exercise entitled “A Rose with No Petals,” the teacher is told to “hold up a beautiful rose.” Students are then told to pass the rose around the room with each student removing a petal. When the rose no longer has petals, the teacher must “share that the rose represents someone who participates in casual sex. Each time a sexually active person gives that most personal part of himself or herself away, that person can lose a sense of personal value and worth. It all comes down to self-respect.”

Choosing the Best PATH, Leader Guide, p. 7

“There will never be any form of birth control or protection that will teach faithfulness, trustworthiness, responsibility, and commitment.”

Why kNOw?, 6th grade, p. 34

“WARNING! Going on this ride could change your life forever, result in poverty, heartache, disease, and even DEATH.” It goes on to say that many “will board this ride and come out losers.”

Why kNOw?, 6th grade, p. 26

“If an adolescent is sexually active, he is no longer a challenge or different from the crowd. After a while, the teenager is no longer respected.”

RRTW, teacher’s manual, p. 3.27

“If [a girl] has been involved in sexual activity…sexually, she is no longer a virgin, she is no longer pure, unspoiled, fresh.”

HIS, Teacher’s Manual, p. 9

“But did you know that sexual activity outside of the commitment of marriage could put YOUR FUTURE at risk?”

Heritage Keepers, Teacher Manual, unnumbered page

In Their Own Words: What Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs Say: Contain Medically Inaccurate Information and Distort Facts

Below are examples of what young people are taught in some of the most commonly used abstinence-only-until-marriage curricula. Prior to Fiscal Year 2010, the federal government had spent over one billion dollars on abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. All of the examples come from curricula that were used in programs previously supported by federal funds.

“AIDS can be transmitted by skin-to-skin contact.”

Reasonable Reasons to Wait, Teacher’s guide, Unit 5, pg. 19

(In truth: HIV, the virus that causes AIDS, can be transmitted only through direct exchange of bodily fluids such as blood, semen, vaginal secretions, or breast milk.)

“Cervical cancer is positively correlated with promiscuous behavior and kills approximately 5,000 women a year.”

RRTW, Student Workbook, p. 119

“Any kind of sexual activity can spread STDs from one person to another.”

Game Plan, Coach’s Clipboard, p. 32

“Condoms are hailed today as the answer to sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and unwanted pregnancies. The facts are, however, that condoms don’t always prevent pregnancy and are ineffective against some of the most common, and most serious, STDs, such as human papilloma virus.”

Game Plan, Student Workbook, p. 36

(In fact, the most recent research available suggests that young women who use condoms are 70% less likely to contract HPV.)

In Their Own Words: What Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs Say: Discourage Condom Use

Below are examples of what young people are taught in some of the most commonly used abstinence-only-until-marriage curricula. Prior to Fiscal Year 2010, the federal government had spent over one billion dollars on abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. All of the examples come from curricula that were used in programs previously supported by federal funds.

“Game Plan does not promote the use of contraceptives for teens. No contraceptive device is guaranteed to prevent pregnancy. Additionally, students who do not choose to exercise self-control to remain abstinent are not likely to exercise self-control in the use of a contraceptive device.”

Game Plan, Coach’s Clipboard, p. 27

“Even more widespread than disease are the emotional scarring and deep wounds that come out of broken relationships. No matter how strong a condom is, it won’t protect you from a broken heart.”

Game Plan, Student Workbook, p. 36

“Safe sex is not: sex with a condom—condoms and other barriers do not make sex physically safe—you can still get pregnant or get a disease. You can also get hurt emotionally because research shows that the relationship is not likely to last and the sexual partner will leave you for someone else.”

HIS, Teacher’s Manual, p. 9

“Condoms can never protect someone from the emotional problems that can result from multiple sexual partners and premature sexual activity.”

Worth the Wait, Section 6-20.41