A Blog Called Everything

Actually, [polyamory] really does the opposite of make me insecure. It’s an ego boost, really. What it says to me is that even though you’re dating him, it hasn’t changed your desire to be with me. The fact that you want to be with me despite seeing other people says that there are things about our relationship you can’t get anywhere else. It means you find things about me irreplaceable, things that you don’t have in another relationship, and that preserves the value of our relationship. If your interest in Person A doesn’t diminish once you start dating Person B, it means that Person A is special enough and irreplaceable enough to keep around, no matter who else is a part of your life

The mythological slut is grasping and manipulative - grasping to steal something - virtue, money, self-esteem - from [their] partners. In some ways, this archetype is based on the idea that sex is a commodity, a coin you trade for something else - stability, children, a wedding ring - and that any other transaction constitutes being cheated or betrayed. We have rarely observed any Jezebels or Casanovas in our community, but perhaps it is not very satisfying for a thief to steal what is freely given. We do not worry about being robbed of our sexual value by the people we share pleasure with.

Those who set off down the path of exploring new kinds of relationships and new lifestyles often find themselves blocked by beliefs - about the way society should be, the way relationships should be, the way people should be - that are both deeply rooted and unexamined. We have all been taught that one way of relating - lifelong monogamous heterosexual marriage - is the only right way. We are told that monogamy is “normal” and “natural”; if our desires do not fit into that constraint, we are morally deficient, psychologically disturbed, and going against nature.

In most of the world, “slut” is a highly offensive term, used to describe a woman whose sexuality is voracious, indiscriminate, and shameful. It’s interesting to note that the analogous word “stud,” used to describe a highly sexual man, is often a term of approval and envy. If you ask about a man’s morals, you will probably hear about his honesty, loyalty, integrity, and high principles. When you ask about a woman’s morals, you are more likely to hear about who she shares sex with, and under what conditions.

Polyamory means “loving more than one”. This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn’t wear yourself out trying to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. “Polyamorous” is also used as a descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. (Heck, some are involved in less than one.) Some people think the definition is a bit loose, but it’s got to be fairly roomy to fit the wide range of poly arrangements out there.

The non-possessive, honest, responsible ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Based on the conscious choice of how many partners one wishes to be involved with, rather than accepting social norms that dictate monogamy as the only acceptable form of love