Look. Here’s what this silly joke article means. Marriage for marriage’s sake isn’t how people become happy. Married you will be no happier than single you. Changing your own unhealthy impulses, for the sake of marriage as an end in itself, is not a healthy impulse. There are no “types” of people that “men” or “women” want to marry, and there’s no listicle that’s going to heal your loneliness. There are people and then there are other people and sometimes people fall in love with each other despite their faults and they get married or they don’t and it works out or it doesn’t. So work on yourself, fine—work on your bee beard, work on your clinginess—but do it because it’s good for you. Making marriage your goal (instead of, say, happiness! Or compatibility!) is like saving up all your money to buy a really expensive lottery ticket. Quit it.