A Blog Called Everything
queer girls living with straight partners are NOT living in a state of “straight privilege.” because they’re NOT STRAIGHT.
they may have passing privilege—but as others who are infinetly smarter than i am have pointed out—this is not straight up privilege—because it is a site of *oppression* (through invisibilization and erasure that affects more than just bi girls) that our social sorting strategies only allow straight/gay man/woman man/man and women/women relationships.
so yeah, i don’t know what to call it what bi girls living with straight partners are doing—but i DO know that it’s not straight privilege.
also please remember that historical non-hetero relationships are often used to out you and deny you privilege even if you’re currently in a hetero or hetero passing one.
also poly people
also sometimes people talk about who they’re attracted to, thereby losing their straight passing privilege
I hate that this is a thing that needs to be said.
(via andimprouvaire)
Bisexual Man’s Father Surprises His Son With ‘Born This Way’ Tattoo
“So: my brother came out that he was Bisexual last year and it was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do and one of the most courageous. He was most nervous about coming out to my old school Italian father who can be a bit of a hardass but mush at heart. So my brother decided to get born this way tattooed on his wrist in gagas handwriting after he met her, for obvious reasons, and it meant and still does a lot to him. My dad yesterday before Dylan came home for spring break got born this way in Italian tattooed on his wrist to show his acceptance and deep love for his only son who he is so proud of every day. I love my family”
AKA, Things not to say to bisexuals Level 2.
Sometimes one of the hardest things to deal with can be sweet people who are, completely unintentionally, really insulting. With outright queerphobia it’s easy to point out. With things like this, not so much. But let me make one thing clear: people don’t deserve to be put on a pedestal because they are an LGBTQ ally. Everyone should be an ally. So if someone is calling themselves an ally, but is really being ignorant or bigoted in some ways, it is totally okay and appropriate to call them out on it, and teach them otherwise.
Oh, so it’s like you’re genderblind! Nope, not really. We just have a wider range of preferences than monosexuals do when it comes to body types. Genderblind is a term more often associated with pansexuality- but even so, don’t assume this; it’s always better to ask.
You love everyone equally! That’s great! First, we don’t like everyone. Second, only some of us like various genders equally. We have preferences and standards just like everyone else. See the Kinsey Scale for a good visual on the spectrum of attraction.
So you can tell me what [opposite gender] really thinks! We can tell you what we think. We’re not here to be the undercover gender-stereotyping police.
I love bisexuals- one of my best friends is bi! You can be biphobic even if all of your friends are bi. Furthermore, everybody is different. Yep, even bisexuals are different from each other. It’s demeaning to say you love somebody purely because of their sexual orientation and disregard all the other aspects of their personality. It’s also insulting to assume that things one bisexual is okay with all bisexuals will therefore be okay with.
It’s so great that you can date everyone! We can’t date everyone. We can date those genders we are attracted to provided their orientation is such that they have the potential to be attracted to us as well. We can’t date people who are biphobic, which is a significant amount of people, especially when it comes to relationships with bisexuals. We also don’t know everyone. We also have other things besides gender which play into who we like, such as personality, age, looks, chemistry, location, and more. How do you think it makes someone who hasn’t met “the one” yet feel when they’re told that they can date everyone, as though being bisexual is this great advantage over others which they just haven’t utilized properly? Probably not too great.
If person is same gender: So, be honest: do you think I’m hot? How hot am I? Our potential to be attracted to multiple genders is not related to our ability to recognize societal expectations of beauty in someone. If you didn’t ask us this question before we came out to you, don’t ask us after. Also, it puts us in an awkward place in which it becomes clear that us being bi has changed the dynamics of this relationship where it shouldn’t have.
Do you have a crush on me? If we do, we’ll tell you. If we do and we’re too shy to tell you, respect it. Again, because bi people have types and standards as well, there is a high chance that we don’t. You don’t ask every person of the opposite gender who you hang out with if they have a crush on you; don’t make us into a special case.
If person is opposite gender: So, can I, like, watch you make out with [same gender]? Our orientation is not your plaything. We are not your plaything. If you wouldn’t ask this to a straight couple, don’t ask us.
I don’t get why people make such a big deal out of it, everyone is a little bit bisexual after all. This completely diminishes the bisexual experience. If everyone is bi, why should those who identify as bisexual go through any individual hardships? Why are they complaining about it? Why are they making such a big deal about it? If someone identifies as bisexual, chances are they have a significant potential to like multiple genders, enough so that it is highly relevant in their life and lifestyle. By saying everyone is bi, you are twisting the meaning into something much more general than it actually is, which creates a lot of misconceptions and problems for actual bisexuals. Bisexuality is not “everyone liking everything”.
So, how many people have you done it with? How many girls? How many boys? Again, if you didn’t ask us before we came out to you, don’t ask us after. You don’t get special access to our private lives simply because our orientation isn’t heteronormative. Also, being bisexual doesn’t automatically mean we have sex with more people than straight people do, and this is a leading question implying just that.
How many threesomes have you had? To quote 13 from House, “Do you know what bisexual is? It doesn’t mean you have sex with two people at once.”
Can you be my gay best friend? First of all, we’re not gay. Second of all, even if we were, we’re not reducible to an offensive and reductive social stereotype, so don’t act like we are.
This is so exciting, you’re the first bisexual I’ve ever met! I don’t know any bisexuals besides you! Statistically, unless you are an individual isolationist, we are not the first bisexual you’ve met. We’re just the first one to share it with you. Also, this just serves to make us feel really alone and as though it is our entire responsibility to educate you on bisexuality, since you have no other outlets, when, in reality, it is never the responsibility of the oppressed to educate the privileged.
If you want to avoid being one of these people (note: this applies to LGBTQ people as well; know ALL the identities, not just yours!), then check with every person you meet about what is okay and what isn’t. Take the time to research issues and terminology even if it may not seem directly related to you, because it may be relevant to those you interact with. And overall, don’t treat anybody differently based on their orientation or gender identity. If you need to treat a specific person differently than others, they can tell you. Otherwise it is demeaning, hierarchical, and embarrassing to everyone involved.
Note: this is from the perspective of a female-bodied individual. Societal expectations of male-bodied bisexuals has its own set of inappropriate questions as well.
Thoughts, questions, suggestions?
Some people get hung up on the ‘bi’ and protest that gender isn’t binary. In traditional dictionaries:
- Homosexual is defined as “attracted to the same sex”
- Heterosexual is defined as “attracted to the opposite sex”
So why then dismiss bisexuality as being about “men and women” when the definitions of hetero- and homo- don’t mention those? In this modern age with a wider understanding of gender some would re-state those as:
- Homosexual means “attracted to people of broadly the same gender”
- Heterosexual means “attracted to people of broadly a different gender”
In fact many people say there’s more than two genders, but if two options are either “the same as me” or “different to me” then we think it’s clear that “both” can refer to those two options rather than two perceived sexes.
So I guess this is a call to action: The LG and T community need to make more of an effort to support the B’s among us. Being bisexual doesn’t mean being selfish or sitting on the fence, it means being brave enough to live in the gray space.
And though I could write a whole other piece just about the stereotypes associated with bisexuality — like that bisexual people can’t be monogamous, or that they are just “confused” — coming out as bisexual means saying, “I don’t care if you think I’m just a promiscuous perv and I don’t care if you think it’s a phase and I don’t care if you don’t accept me as part of the gay community, this is who I am.” We need to provide a loving environment for our bisexual brothers and sisters and make them welcome among us. And maybe we need to learn to look at ourselves and accept some gray in our lives, too.
The monologues were beautifully read, there was healthy discussion about all sorts of things from coming out to pronoun use, and now I have a lovely new manual of resources to peruse. :)
The only hitch was when a person from outside campus was brought into the group - something I totally don’t…
I really need to update my dictionary. I’m going to add every variation of cis since I get asked about that often. Does anyone have any suggestion on words I use a lot or concepts we talk about that some people might not understand or know about?
Bisexual! here is how historically the bisexual community actually defines itself … a “cute”twitter-ish version:
Bisexuals = people who ♥ People of Same Gender as themselves + ♥ People of Different Genders/Gender Presentations from themselves
the longer more formal definition of bisexual:
Bisexuals are people with the inborn capacity to form enduring physical, romantic, (some include spiritual) and/or emotional attractions to:
(1) those of the same gender as themselves
(2) those of different genders/gender presentations from themselvesThere may be an individual attraction for one gender or gender presentation which can also be fluid and changeable over time.
Bisexuality is not synonymous with being polyamorous, (some include “or promiscuous”). Individual bisexual people may be celibate, asexual, monogamous or non-monogamous just as individual straight, lesbian or gay people can be.
No matter what the gender/gender presentation of the person they are partnered with, bisexual people remain bisexual. They do not suddenly switch orientation as if by magic when they enter into a relationship.
And just (re)posted, here is the Actual Etymology of the word. All that must be“cishomonormative 50%/50% only!” stuff is a very recent (almost a backronym) invented by those who did not actually know and probably didn’t really like bisexual people.
DEAR LADY A: The people I know who claim they’re bi are attention-seeking and creepy. I honestly think, of the “bisexuals” I know, the guys are just gays who can’t emotionally handle being gay, and the women are trying to keep potential boyfriends interested with the promise of threesomes….
Something that occurred to me recently: I am never in a straight relationship, and I am never in a gay relationship, although my partners may be. I am always in a bisexual relationship, regardless of the gender of the person I’m dating.
Yes! Yes! Yes! One of the many reasons that the accusations sometimes leveled at bisexual people in different gender relationships of deliberately accessing some sort of ‘heterosexual privilege’ is such a fallacy. Bisexual people, by definition, can never be in a ‘Straight Relationship’ becasue We Are Not Straight!
Privilege comes from the closet (or perhaps from some sort of mistake on the part of the viewer) not from self-identification.
(via bisexual-community)
