A Blog Called Everything

This is just an excerpt. Read the full disclaimer and explanation here.

1. Society assures me that my sexual identity is real and that people like me exist.
2. When disclosing my sexual identity to others, they believe it without requiring me to prove it.
3. I can feel sure that upon disclosing my sexual identity, people accept that it’s my real/actual sexual identity (rather than anything other than I said).
4. I am never considered closeted when disclosing my sexual identity.
5. Perception/acceptance of my sexual identity is generally independent of my choices of relationships, partners and lifestyle.
6. It is unlikely that disclosing my sexual identity will be taken as a sexual offer or a sign of sexual consent.
7. I can be confident that people don’t misname my sexual identity or use different identities to describe my identity when speaking about me.
8. When seen with a partner I’m dating, I can be certain to be recognized as a member of my sexual identity group.
9. I never have to worry about successfully passing as a member of my sexual identity group or as a member of my community.
10. I do not have to choose between either invisibility (“passing”) or being consistently “othered” and/or tokenized based on my sexual identity.
11. I am never blamed for upholding heteropatriarchy** or cisgender privilege because of the word that I use to identify my sexuality.
12. My politics are not questioned based on the the word that I use to identify my sexuality.
13. I feel welcomed at appropriate services or events that are segregated by sexual identity (such as “general” i.e. straight clinics, gay community centers, lesbian-only events, etc.)
14. If I’m cisgender, I am accepted and celebrated as a part of “queer” space or movement. If I’m an ally, I am applauded for my support of the queer movement.
15. If I’m cisgender, queer or gay people will not try to exclude me from our movements in order to gain political legitimacy for themselves. I am never accused of “giving the movement a bad name” or of “exploiting” the movement.
16. I can feel sure that if I choose to enter a monogamous relationship, my friends, community or my partner will continue to accept my sexual identity, without expecting or pressuring me to change it.
17. I needn’t worry about potential partners shifting instantly from amorous to disdain, humiliation or verbal violence because of my sexual identity.
18. I can cheat on my partners or act badly in a relationship without having other people put this down to my sexual identity or have my behaviour reflect badly on all the people in my sexual identity group.
19. I can choose to be in a polyamorous relationship without being accused of reinforcing stereotypes against my sexual identity group.
20. I can fairly easily find representations of people of my sexual identity group and my lifestyle in the media and the arts. I encounter such representations without needing to look hard.
21. If I encounter a fictional, historical or famous figure of my sexual identity, I can be sure that s/he will be named as such in the text or by the media, reviewers and audience.
22. I often encounter the word I use to identify myself in the media and the arts. When I hear or read it, I am far less likely to find it in the context of its denial.
23. I can find, fairly easily, reading material, institutions, media representations, etc. which give attention specifically to people of my sexual identity.
24. I can feel certain that normal everyday language will include my sexual identity (“straight and gay alike”, “gay and lesbian”, etc.)
25. If I am cisgender, I am far less likely to suffer from intimate violence.
26. If I am cisgender, I am less likely to suffer from depression or to contemplate suicide.
27. If I am cisgender, I am far less likely to suffer from poverty.
28. I am more likely to feel comfortable being open about my sexual identity at work.
29. I have access to information about the prevalence of STI’s in my community as well as prevention methods that are suitable for me.
30. If I live in a city, I can expect to find medical care that will suit my own particular needs.
31. I am less likely to risk my health by avoiding medical treatment.
32. Wronging me on grounds of my sexual identity or sexual behaviour is taken seriously:
    • Those who wrong me are expected to know that it is hurtful, and are considered accountable whether or not they intended to wrong me.
    • I have easy access to people who understand that this wrong is unacceptable, and who will support me.
    • I have easy access to resources and people to educate someone who wronged me, if I am not feeling up to it.
    • If I am being wronged, I can expect that others who are around will notice
33. When I express my sexual identity in my daily life, I can reasonably expect not to be considered unstable, unreliable, indecisive, untrustworthy or in need of help.
34. I can worry about issues specific to people of my sexual identity group without being seen as self-interested, self-seeking or divisive.
35. I can remain oblivious of the language, culture, history and politics of bisexuality and bisexual people without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
36. I have the privilege of not being aware of my privileges.

On a daily basis as a straight person…

•  I can be pretty sure that my roomate, hallmates and classmates will be comfortable with my sexual orientation.
• If I pick up a magazine, watch TV, or play music, I can be certain my sexual orientation will be represented.
• When I talk about my heterosexuality (such as in a joke or talking about my relationships), I will not be accused of pushing my sexual orientation onto others.
• I do not have to fear that if my family or friends find out about my sexual orientation there will be economic, emotional, physical or psychological consequences.
• I did not grow up with games that attack my sexual orientation (IE fag tag or smear the queer).
• I am not accused of being abused, warped or psychologically confused because of my sexual orientation.
• I can go home from most meetings, classes, and conversations without feeling excluded, fearful, attacked, isolated, outnumbered, unheard, held at a distance, stereotyped or feared because of my sexual orientation.
• I am never asked to speak for everyone who is heterosexual.
• I can be sure that my classes will require curricular materials that testify to the existence of people with my sexual orientation.
• People don’t ask why I made my choice of sexual orientation.
• People don’t ask why I made my choice to be public about my sexual orientation.
• I do not have to fear revealing my sexual orientation to friends or family. It’s assumed.
• My sexual orientation was never associated with a closet.
• People of my gender do not try to convince me to change my sexual orientation.
• I don’t have to defend my heterosexuality.
• I can easily find a religious community that will not exclude me for being heterosexual.
• I can count on finding a therapist or doctor willing and able to talk about my sexuality.
• I am guaranteed to find sex education literature for couples with my sexual orientation.
• Because of my sexual orientation, I do not need to worry that people will harass me.
• I have no need to qualify my straight identity.
• My masculinity/femininity is not challenged because of my sexual orientation.
• I am not identified by my sexual orientation.
• I can be sure that if I need legal or medical help my sexual orientation will not work against me.
• If my day, week, or year is going badly, I need not ask of each negative episode or situation whether it has sexual orientation overtones.
• Whether I rent or I go to a theater, Blockbuster, an EFS or TOFS movie, I can be sure I will not have trouble finding my sexual orientation represented.

• I am guaranteed to find people of my sexual orientation represented in my workplace.
• I can walk in public with my significant other and not have people double-take or stare.
• I can choose to not think politically about my sexual orientation.
• I do not have to worry about telling my roommate about my sexuality. It is assumed I am a heterosexual.
• I can remain oblivious of the language and culture of LGBTQ folk without feeling in my culture any penalty for such oblivion.
• I can go for months without being called straight.
• I’m not grouped because of my sexual orientation.
• My individual behavior does not reflect on people who identity as heterosexual.
• In everyday conversation, the language my friends and I use generally assumes my sexual orientation. For example, sex inappropriately referring to only heterosexual sex or family meaning heterosexual relationships with kids.
• People do not assume I am experienced in sex (or that I even have it!) merely because of my sexual orientation.
• I can kiss a person of the opposite gender on the heart or in the cafeteria without being watched and stared at.
• Nobody calls me straight with maliciousness.

• People can use terms that describe my sexual orientation and mean positive things (IE “straight as an arrow”, “standing up straight” or “straightened out” ) instead of demeaning terms (IE “ewww, that’s gay” or being “queer” ) .
• I am not asked to think about why I am straight.
• I can be open about my sexual orientation without worrying about my job.