“The more I was treated as a woman, the more woman I became. I adapted willy-nilly. If I was assumed to be incompetent at reversing cars, or opening bottles, oddly incompetent I found myself becoming. If a case was thought too heavy for me, inexplicably I found it so myself.”—
Jan Morris, a male-to-female transsexual describing her post transition experiences in her autobiography, Conundrum
“Polyamory means “loving more than one”. This love may be sexual, emotional, spiritual, or any combination thereof, according to the desires and agreements of the individuals involved, but you needn’t wear yourself out trying to figure out ways to fit fondness for apple pie, or filial piety, or a passion for the Saint Paul Saints baseball club into it. “Polyamorous” is also used as a descriptive term by people who are open to more than one relationship even if they are not currently involved in more than one. (Heck, some are involved in less than one.) Some people think the definition is a bit loose, but it’s got to be fairly roomy to fit the wide range of poly arrangements out there.”—
By the time she was done with MIT, Barbara had more or less decided she wanted to be a neuroscientist. She decided to go to medical school at Dartmouth in New Hampshire. Gender issues at med school were like the issues at MIT on steroids; one professor referred Barbara to his wife when she wanted to talk about her professional interests. An anatomy professor showed a slide of a nude female pin-up during a lecture.
During the first year of Barbara’s residency, when she was an intern, she found herself clashing with the chief resident. When you have to learn to do a spinal tap or do a line, at some point only one person can do the procedure. What I noticed is that every time a male resident would do the picking, he would pick a guy to do the procedure. I had to often say, He did it last time. It is my turn this time.
But things changed in large and subtle ways after Barbara became Ben.
Ben once gave a presentation at the prestigious Whitehead Institute in Cambridge, Massachusetts. A friend relayed a comment made by someone in the audience who didn’t know Ben Barres and Barbara Barres were the same person: Ben Barres gave a great seminar today, but, then, his work is much better than his sister’s.
Ben also noticed he was treated differently in the everyday world. “When I go into stores, I notice I am much more likely to be attended to. They come up to me and say, Yes, sir? Can I help you, sir? I have had the thought a million times, I am taken more seriously.
“Westerners are fond of the saying ‘Life isn’t fair.’ Then, they end in snide triumphant: ‘So get used to it!’ What a cruel, sadistic notion to revel in! What a terrible, patriarchal response to a child’s budding sense of ethics. Announce to an Iroquois, ‘Life isn’t fair,’ and her response will be: ‘Then make it fair!’”—Barbara Alice Mann, Iroquois woman (via scatterhearted)
“The non-possessive, honest, responsible ethical philosophy and practice of loving multiple people simultaneously. Based on the conscious choice of how many partners one wishes to be involved with, rather than accepting social norms that dictate monogamy as the only acceptable form of love”—Polyamory
“Feminism is not about being sexist. It’s about observing the and why the culture only focuses on the heterosexual male perspective. You should really look into it, cause it’s concerned with ALL gender issues (including homosexual male/female exclusions in our media, men who suffer from Patriarchy, etc.)”—Goodreads | SolitaryWitch
“Polyamory is the practice of having more than one loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. The relationships are long-term, intimate, and usually (but not necessarily) sexual. Persons who consider themselves emotionally suited to such relationships may define themselves as polyamorous, often abbreviated to poly.”—
MYTH: Women who wear provocative or revealing clothing are inviting sexual violation.
Appearance and clothing have absolutely nothing to do with who is violated. Victims seldom fit the stereotypical image of the fashion model and get raped regardless of what they are wearing at the time, be it jeans and a sweatshirt, a sari, a g-string bikini, or a nun’s habit. It is often implied that when a woman or girl wears provocative clothing she is inviting an attack on herself and has no right to complain should she be sexually assaulted in these circumstances. While many men may well become aroused when seeing a woman who is dressed in revealing clothing very few of those men choose to sexually assault. When one does, the responsibility for the incident lies with the attacker
“Jealousy is most common when somebody feels insecure, mistreated, threatened, or vulnerable in a relationship. If you feel secure in a relationship, you don’t get jealous. Jealousy is not the problem; jealousy is the SYMPTOM of the problem. Address the insecurity or the things underlying the feelings of vulnerability, and you address the jealousy. So the trick to making a poly relationship work is to make everyone involved feel secure, valued, and loved.”—More Than Two | Polyamory: The Theory of Jealousy Management
“To protest a bill that would require women to undergo an ultrasound before having an abortion, Virginia State Sen. Janet Howell (D-Fairfax) on Monday attached an amendment that would require men to have a rectal exam and a cardiac stress test before obtaining a prescription for erectile dysfunction medication.”—
“Love and attraction are curious things, and there aren’t many women who don’t have at least one partner they regret. But that doesn’t mean we can’t at least try to choose wisely. I never liked the wor “promiscuity” because it is defined as having sex indiscriminately. So have sex with whoever you like, and as many people as you like, but I think we can all afford to be a bit discriminating. Don’t have sex with someone who won’t use protection. Don’t have sex with someone who is anti-choice - they have no respect for your body or your ability to make decisions for yourself. Don’t have sex with someone who doesn’t respect your physical or emotional boundaries. Don’t have sex with Republicans. (Okay, that one is just mine.)”—Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters by Jessica Valenti
I don’t know, you guys. I’m really at a loss here. I can’t find my self-respect. It seems I have misplaced it. Here’s a photo of me with my self-respect fully intact:
See? Look at how happy I look? I’m fully clothed and you can just see the self-respect radiating off of me.
But somewhere in between that picture being taken and this picture being taken….
My self-respect seems to have vanished… And I’m getting really worried because I’m starting to think I’ve become a little bit of a slut? I looked up the symptoms of being a slut and I have them all:
sudden awareness of control over one’s body
sudden awareness of control over one’s sexuality
sudden awareness of control over one’s sex life
sudden awareness of rights over one’s mind and body
consensually taking part in sexual activities with one or more partners
And I won’t even go on with the list because there are just too many symptoms that prove that I’ve become a slut :( I really don’t know what happened. Ever since I lost my self-respect, my life has just become an abyss and I’ve just become this really terrible person with a really terrible life and I just want to find my self-respect so I can once again lead a fulfilling life. I want to be pure once more. I want to feel whole.
Please, if you have any information of any sort on where my self-respect might have gone, feel free to call me at 1-800-INTERNALISED-MISOGYNY
“Although most boys figure out how to bring themselves to orgasm by age thirteen, half of girls don’t have their first orgasms until their late teens, twenties, or beyond. Teenage girls widely agree that they get the message loud and clear that masturbation is something boys do, but girls don’t, can’t, or shouldn’t. The cultural focus on intercourse tells young women to expect they’ll begin to experience sexual pleasure once they have sex with a man (whether or not they’re even interested in sex with men). Nearly all teen boys, on the other hand, experience sexual pleasure long before they get their hands—or other body parts—into a partner’s pants. Despite the massive advances in women’s equality, young women’s sexuality is stuck in a surprising paradox. Young women are sold provocative clothes but aren’t taught where to find their own clitoris. Many girls give their boyfriends oral sex, but are too uncomfortable with their own bodies to allow the guys to return the favor. It’s still a radical act to say that women need and deserve access to information about their own sexual pleasure—not just about the risks and negative consequences of sex.”—Dorian Solot, I Love Female Orgasm: An Extraordinary Orgasm Guide. (via feministhistorian)
Sex workers have the same right as any other person to refuse sexual activity. We tend to believe that a sex worker is unlikely to experience forced sexual activity as damaging. We also believe that by working as a sex worker s/he is inviting sexual attacks and therefore has no one to blame but her/him self. It is important that we try to understand the complex dynamics which result in a person choosing to work in this area and that sex workers be treated with the respect and dignity which is their constitutional right.
well no fucking shit she doesn’t like to, who the fuck likes putting dicks in their mouth? that’s why they call them a job, you know, a blow JOB
I love giving head and I don’t think it’s anything to be ashamed of. I find it intimate, I like the physical sensations and I love being in control of a cock. Pleasing your partner shouldn’t be a chore. Of course, not everyone enjoys every sexual act, and that’s fine. Just don’t try to tell people that liking blowjobs is weird, or disgusting, or abnormal, or shameful (because that’s what you’re implying.)
In Their Own Words: What Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage Programs Say: Gender Stereotypes as Fact
Below are examples of what young people are taught in some of the most commonly used abstinence-only-until-marriage curricula. Prior to Fiscal Year 2010, the federal government had spent over one billion dollars on abstinence-only-until-marriage programs. All of the examples come from curricula that were used in programs previously supported by federal funds.
"Men sexually are like microwaves and women sexually are like crockpots…men respond sexually by what they see and women respond sexually by what they hear and how they feel about it."
-WAIT Training, Workshop Manual, p. 194
"Girls need to be aware they may be able to tell when a kiss is leading to something else. The girl may need to put the brakes on first in order to help the boy."
-Reasonable Reasons to Wait, Student Workbook, p. 96
"Guys say sex is more physical, that they are driven by hormones and peer pressure. Girls say sex is an emotional experience, involving strong feelings."
-Choosing the Best LIFE, Leader Guide, p. 6
"Males will often have their first intercourse experience with a woman to whom he feels no particular attachment while females tend to have their first sexual experience with a man they love and may want to marry."
-Worth the Wait, Section 5-11
"Deep inside every man is a knight in shining armor, ready to rescue a maiden and slay a wicked dragon. When a man feels trusted, he is free to be the strong, protecting man he longs to be."
-Choosing the Best SOUL MATE, Leader Guide, p. 51
"The tradition of lifting the veil shows that the groom [is] the only man allowed to uncover the bride, and demonstrates her respect for him by illustrating that she [has] not allowed any other man to lay claim to her."
-Why kNOw?, 7th grade, p. 60
"Males and females are aroused at different levels of intimacy. Males are more sight orientated whereas females are more touch orientated. This is why girls need to be careful with what they wear, because males are looking! The girl might be thinking fashion, while the boy is thinking sex. For this reason, girls have a responsibility to wear modest clothing that doesn’t invite lustful thoughts."
Some femmes are dominant and some butches are submissive. Some men have vaginas and some women have penises. Sometimes what you call a clit is called a dick by it’s owner, and sometimes a dick is really a clit. Some straight men want to be penetrated and some straight women want to do it. Sometimes people aren’t men or women at all and sometimes genitals aren’t a black and white issue. Sometimes people are different to you, and always, we need to accept this.
“Every once in a while, there’s some big article about feminism being dead… And if feminism isn’t dead it’s equally accused of being outdated. Or a failure. Or unnecessary. But if feminism is dead, then why do people have to keep on trying to kill it? whether it’s in the media, politics, or conservative organisations, there’s a big old trend of trying to convince the world that feminism is long gone. The argument is that either that women don’t need feminism anymore, or that those crazy radical feminists don’t speak for most women. Never mind that recent polls show that most women support feminist goals, like equal pay for equal work, ending violence against women, childcare, women’s healthcare, and getting more women in political office. Here comes that “I’m not a feminist, but..” again.”—Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters by Jessica Valenti
“For some reason, feminism is seen as very anti: anti-men, anti-sex, anti-sexism, anti-everything. And while some of those antis aren’t bad things, it’s not exactly exciting to get involved in something that seen as so consistently negative. The good news is, feminism isn’t all about antis. It’s progressive and - as cheesy as this sounds - it’s about making your life better.”—Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters by Jessica Valenti
“It’s sometimes difficult to be a feminist submissive. Still, there is nothing in my sexual submission that is inherently inimical to my quest to be treated as equally strong and competent as are men. The reason that it sometimes feels that way is that certain people treat female submission as the default. It isn’t, and it shouldn’t be. Women are not inherently submissive to men. They’re not inherently dominant either. The genders, in this regard at least, are largely equal. Some individuals choose to submit to each other, and, on the whole, the inclination to do so is largely independent of their sex.”—Feminist Sex Submissive? How I Reconcile My Politics With My Sex Life | Sex & Relationships | AlterNet
“What’s the worst thing that you can call a woman? Don’t hold back, now. You’re probably thinking of words like slut, whore, bitch, cunt (I told you not to hold back!), skank. Okay, now, what are the worst things you can call a guy? Fag, girl, bitch, pussy. I’ve even heard the term “mangina”. Notice anything? The worst thing you can call a girl is a girl. The worst thing you can call a guy is a girl. Being a woman is the ultimate insult. Now tell me that’s not royally fucked up.”—Full Frontal Feminism: A Young Woman’s Guide to Why Feminism Matters by Jessica Valenti